From the inbox #2

Today we start with something from the inbox:
“Okay, question: Can you be asexual and a perv? I have a sex drive, and a strong one at that, but at the same time, I could go to the grave without having “legit” sex again and be fine. I feel a definite sexual attraction to some guys, but that attraction doesn’t always require “regular” sex to be fulfilled; various sexual activities that don’t involve any direct stimulation to me often leave me feeling perfectly fulfilled sexually speaking.
I’m not sure I’m phrasing this in a way that makes sense, but basically, here is what I have going on: I’m a Dominant, CisFemale, Heterosexual, Sadist; but… I think there’s something else hovering in there, too. I know less about Demis than I do Asexuals, so it might just be that I’m Demi and just don’t know enough about them to know I am, but for some reason I think I’m leaning more toward Asexual.
Thing is, while I’m generally sensual, and enjoy sex tremendously, my sex drive itself is a bit wonky (for lack of a better word). Everything else that comprises my sexuality is easily fulfilled without sex. (Anyone who has ever dealt with a FemDom (pro or otherwise) knows that sexual contact is actually a rarity in such an encounter.) I don’t know if it’s just a Tantric leaning, perhaps, but I don’t feel the need for orgasm always – sometimes I do want the whole shebang, but not often, to be honest, I just don’t care. Honestly, I don’t even need to be stimulated at all in most cases; I just do what I’m going to do to him, and then move right on to aftercare. I get more from the Domination and Sadism of the scene, and the subsequent cuddles and coddles of aftercare than I do from sex. Unless it’s part of a scene with a boyfriend I’m topping, I usually don’t bother putting an orgasm on the list of goals for the encounter – and even for scenes, I rarely involve myself at all outside stimulating him, my orgasms are usually only a factor if I’m denying him and playing a numbers game (my 3 to his 1, or something like that). I often don’t have him physically stimulate me at all, I generally get all I need from the mental(? I suppose is the best word) stimulation of watching him and his reactions.
I’ve never been able to understand for the life of me that silly Hollywood trope of the person begging for more or “needing to feel him inside her” or that crap. But, the men I have topped have expressed desires like that; so I know the idea itself isn’t complete fallacy, but it’s never been a factor for me at all. (It has caused me trouble, actually, as it makes it harder for me to gauge how far I’ve really pushed them, since I don’t have much to go by, myself)
I thoroughly enjoy sex when I want it, but when I don’t? Meh.
Hell, if the batteries in my vibrator die and I’m out of new ones, I don’t pillage my remote, I just wash the toy and go to sleep; it’s no big deal – a bit annoying – but not nearly as annoying as someone eating my last cookie.
Am I some form of Asexual? Or am I just… Apathetic?”

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