From the inbox #170

“Advice or something. Idk:

So recently I started hanging out with this girl I used to know in high school (7yrs ago). We knew each other but not well. When rumors started flying about her, I was too exhausted and overstimulated from school so I decided not to get involved. 7 yrs later, we started noticing each other’s progressive Facebook posts and decided to hang out. I was warned by a few people not to get involved with her (bc of the rumors from hs) But I wanted to decide what she was like for myself. Shes experienced a lot of trauma and loss of friends due to being trans and autistic, as well as having a history of drug addiction. So we’ve been hanging out for about a month and a half. I got snowed in at her place once and we’ve spent long ours together. So now she’s developing all these feelings for me. feelings I can’t reciprocate. Not just because I’m ace, but also bc I’m just not interested in more than a friendship with her. Part of why she likes me is because of the way my sexuality manifests (I guess she finds it intriguing). So she knows very well that I’m ace. She says she understands that but she keeps complimenting me and talking about how much she loves me and wants to hold me. I find this very uncomfortable (it’s even uncomfortable to write). I do extended touching with only a handful of people in my life. I dont like cuddling. I like hugs… But not cuddling /extended touching. Sometimes I feel like she’s trying to guilt me into being affectionate… But also that’s probably me just jumping to conclusions (I’ve dealt with a lot of manipulative people in my life). I’m not sure how to ask her to lay off a bit without hurting her feelings. Any ideas?

Somewhat related question: I can’t tell if I’m more asexual or more aromantic. Anyone got any hunches or advice on how to figure it out?”

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