From the inbox #143

“Hello. My name is Elsa. I’m 29 and I was hoping to share my experiences with you.

I consider myself a heteroromantic demisexual. In college, I was a women’s advocate and did programming for our women’s only dorm, including asexuality education and visibility. I am very open with the fact that I am asexual and, though I have been looking, I haven’t had a relationship in 8 years. As a romantic ace, I think many people are probably confused or scared off by the term asexual, whether they understand it or not. That is probably what a lot of us have to deal with. I think it’s better to be up front with someone about who I am and what my needs are, than lie to them and let them think I’m sexual and keep putting it off. Those that don’t want anything to do with you after finding out you’re asexual, they aren’t really the people you would want to invest time and energy into anyway; if they don’t care enough to ask and get to know you, then you’re better off.

I get pleasure from some forms of sexual contact (masturbation, outercourse, etc.), but vaginal sex immediately flips the off switch for me. I do find that I am attracted to some people, but I can’t visualize having/wanting/asking for sex. I love to kiss and crave a relationship. In the next few years, I would like to start a family.

I just wanted to let everyone know that, regardless of who you are, what you’re doing in life right now, or how you experience asexuality, it is all valid. Some of us are attracted to others, but not sexually. Some of us are attracted to others, but not romantically. Some of us are not attracted regardless. In any case, the desire, lack of desire, to have sex or a romantic relationship, it is different from person to person.”

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