From the inbox #1299

“When I first discovered the term “asexual” I identified 100% with it, since I never had any kind of interest in sexual interactions with anybody (not even imagining them in sexual-related issues). But one day, after a long time of confusion, I realized that I was beginning to fall deeply in love with my best friend, and suddenly I started to enjoy imagining sexual situations with him and fantasizing, this never happened to me with anyone before. But, to be honest, I don’t really care if they only exist in my mind or if they come true, I just know, by now, that I enjoy them by my own and this is fine for me.
This made me begin to think that I may be demisexual (since I have a clear interest in sexual activities with this person in particular) but an asexual friend of mine told me that demisexuality only applies if you actually are sure that you WANT to make those things in real life.
I’ve been thinking that I was demisexual because I thought I felt sexual attraction for this person (since he “turns me on”), and the idea that I don’t really care about acting with this sexual feelings was secondary for me (I can control what I do, not what I feel), so I don’t really get why this guy said that “sexual attraction” is something you can control (wanting to act on your sexual feelings) and not the feelings instead (the physical sensation of a particular person “turning you on”).
I’m quite confused, so I would really appreciate the opinion of some other people in the community. What are the criteria to know If you are experiencing sexual attraction? Is it just that a person sexually excites you? Is it that you want to have sex with a particular person? or should be both maybe? (that a person sexually excites you AND you want to have sexual activities with that person). What do you think?”

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