From the inbox #1296

TW: Abuse, depression, suicide, STD
“For context I’m Demisexual, homoromantic, and a girl (I guess? Haven’t really figured out that last part)
Last year I moved back to my home town and reconnected with a bunch of people. Well one of them was this girl who apparently had a crush on me since high school. Well long story short we hit it off and started dating (she was married husband knew poly situation). Well I did the demi thing and had sexual attraction after a while and we became sexually active with eachother. Well at some point she makes the comment of “we shouldn’t do xyz because I have a cold sore”. That’s when I put two and two together and figured out she had Herpes Simplex one and not only didn’t tell me but had engaged in sexual acts with me knowing I could be at risk. As my bad luck would have it not two weeks later I showed symptoms and got the diagnosis. Here’s where stuff went south I guess. She is studying to work with victims of rape and domestic violence and at risk LGBT youth. So I just couldn’t fathom she would do this and she felt bad about it so I deluded myself into thinking I knew. That she had told me. I lied to myself for months and shattered my psyche doing so. Because she wanted to do such good she couldn’t have possibly done such a heinous thing. I comforted her and reassured her she wasn’t a horrible human being for MONTHS. At some point I had moved in with her and her husband and their room mate and the husband and room mate abused the daylights out of me. They invalidated all my emotions they didn’t like. I felt like I was going crazy and that I could do nothing right. Eventually the relationship ended and I managed to get the heck out of there and finally started to realize the extent of what happened to me. As a result I’ve tumbled head first into a deep depression, am highly suicidal most days, don’t eat, can’t sleep, won’t shower or clean my house for days. I have zero self esteem and think I’m a diseased mutt who ought to be shot. I wanted a wife eventually. A partner I could share my life with and have crazy nerf gun battles in our pjs with. But I can’t have those things because even if I don’t have sex I could transmit this disease through kissing which I do enjoy. I can’t hurt someone like my ex hurt me. She took the future I want from me. So I guess anyone have ANY advice? Like I need something because right now I can’t stand the future alone that I see.”

Here are the replies