From the inbox #129

“I’m in love with a man that is much younger than myself. I only point that out in that is maybe why he hadn’t figured out the pattern until now. Just recently I found the term “fraysexual” which made a lot of our relationship issues make sense, as well as his previous relationships. Fraysexual is the opposite of demisexual. As our relationship grew our sex life dwindled to the point that he just couldn’t perform. He found himself very confused. “How can I love this woman so much and not want to have sex with her?” We are in an open relationship and have renegotiated our relationship into a non sexual romantic relationship.

I’m having a few issues. I would like support but am having a hard time finding much positive support for fraysexuality. It seems to be a very small subset of the asexual community. I’m also having a hard time mourning the loss of a very important part of relationships for me. I feel guilt in that I wish he was just straight up asexual. It’s hard to know he’s having sex with other people yet doesn’t want it with me because he “loves me so much.” That is a hard win for me to swallow. I need help separating sex from love.

Btw, we have other ways to share intimacy like through our bdsm relationship. I don’t want to end our relationship. I just want to be a more compassionate supportive partner, hence I need support.”

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