From the inbox #1276

“not ace-related, other than as part of why I flipped out
CW: Dating, sex, STIs, lying?, messing up relationships”
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I’m demi-something, and have been slowly getting closer to someone throughout this summer. Eventually, it got to the point where we were really into each other, and we had sex a couple times. Then out of the blue a few days ago, they tearfully told me that they have an STI (no need to get specific, permanent but not life-threatening whatsoever), and were too afraid and insecure about it to tell me. I was stunned, and at first told them I thought we could get through this, since I really care about them a lot. After I got home that day though, I had a panic attack and texted them that I didn’t think I could cope with having been lied to and worrying constantly about the STI. This obviously crushed their feelings, and they told me that I was overreacting and had reacted exactly as they’d been afraid I would.
A few days later, I’m no longer dissociating and I’m full of regret. I’ve gone to the doctor and learned that it really isn’t nearly as big a deal as I thought it was (in terms of risk of getting it or repercussions if I did get it), and I can totally empathize with them not telling me right away since when they told me they explained exactly how it made them feel insecure and helpless, and I think I know them well enough that it all makes sense, and they wouldn’t lie about other stuff. I still haven’t gotten my bloodwork back, but right now I’m feeling crushed that I was so mean to them (since they’re so insecure about this), regretting saying all those things, and scared that they’ll never want to see me again, since I said we’d be okay but betrayed that right into their insecurity. I’ve sent a long apology text, which hasn’t been responded to for a day.
Idk what I’m looking for exactly, but any general advice or support would be great.”

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