From the inbox #1261

TW: Coercion mentioned

“I’m an extremely sexual demi (once I have sexual attraction, I’m in the mood almost all the time), and am dating someone who appears to be somewhere under our lovely ace umbrella. He describes himself as “basically asexual”, but doesn’t care for utilizing an actual label (which is fine, obviously).
The problem comes in where I’ve never dated someone who was ace-spectrum. And neither has he. He’s expressed on numerous occasions that his entire history of sexual experience involves regularly being forced/coerced/guilted into sex. He’s also said that he’s not sex-repulsed, and sometimes even enjoys sex, but doesn’t care for it enough to ever initiate. For me, if he were sex repulsed I’d be okay never engaging sexually at all. But knowing he’s sometimes okay with it makes me really want to have a sexual relationship, even if it only happens once every 50 years. How do I proceed while being respectful of his feelings? I don’t want him to feel pressured by me attempting to initiate, but at the same time he has said he will never initiate it himself.
Tl;dr: My potentially gray-ace bf stated he sometimes likes sex but will never initiate. How do I proceed in a way that won’t make him feel pressured? And also in a way that won’t make him feel like other forms of affection (kissing, etc) are just being used to get sex (because they are not, I love him to death and enjoy every second with him, sexual or not)?”

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