“CW: sexual assault, sexual attraction, non-explicit talk about sex
Okay, so I have identified as Ace since I learned what it was. I have always had a weird relationship with sex, partially because I’ve been sexually assaulted a bunch of times, and also because my family was super Christian and shamed everyone for liking sex. And I never thought about sex or experienced sexual attraction my entire life. I would sometimes feel romantic or aesthetic attraction, but it was fairly fleeting and eventually I realized a lot of it was chalked up to loneliness.
Except for recently, I think I’ve been experiencing sexual attraction. Because I don’t really understand what it is I’m not entirely sure, but I think about her (specifically le sex) all the time. It’s kind of worrying to me because I’ve never felt this way before and I’m afraid that I won’t be able to call myself ace anymore.
It’s such a root part of my identity, and maybe I’ll go back to the way I was with not feeling this way but I don’t know that for sure. I’m wondering if there are any aces out there that have maybe experienced a fleeting sexual attraction and I’m wondering how you dealt with that in regards to your identity?
I’m legitimately worried that all this time my Asexuality has just been a socialized fear/hatred of sex instead of my identity. I just don’t want to lose what I find is a key part of my being.”