From the inbox #1055

“Saw a friend like this page and thought I’d take a look because I’m in need of some advice/help. Sorry if this is long, but need to provide context.

I, a heterosexual male, have been in a relationship with, in my opinion, the most wonderful woman on this world for a few years now. She’s been open to the idea of a relationship but various factors in her life, a lot of them medical related, left her feeling hesitant on progressing into a more intimate one.

I’ve been doing my best to give her the time and space she needs; I always ask if she’s doing alright or if I need to back off when we cuddle, she quickly put a stop on me asking if it was okay to kiss her, and I’ve done my best to not pressure her till almost a month ago when I said to her something along the lines of “I know we’re still a long ways off from having sex, but how far is too far for you?”

She responded that she wasn’t sure if she would ever be fully comfortable with even the idea of having sex ever.” I’d be lying if I said that didn’t disappoint me, and she probably picked up on that, but I love her and willing to deal. Well after that she did a lot of thinking and came to the realization that her hesitancies on getting into an intimate relationship isn’t due to germ avoidance from her medical issues, but that she’s asexual.

So to actually get to the point, she thinks we should break up because she doesn’t believe she’s capable of fulfilling my needs in a relationship, but wants me to actually make the decision since, according to her, “It affects you the most.”

I love and deeply care about her, but I’m afraid that despite her saying she still loves me as well, that she won’t actually accept me wanting to continue our relationship since she’ll feel like I should be with someone else. But I’m also afraid that if we don’t continue our relationship that over time we’ll drift apart, especially if I find someone else, and if that happens that she’ll finally let her medical conditions get the best of her and take a turn for the worst, since her family can’t stop talking about how much better she’s been doing since I’ve entered her life.

TL:DR version, long time girlfriend recently figured out she’s asexual, doesn’t think our relationship can work out due to how physically intimate I tend to be, but wants me to make the decision, I’m certain I love her enough to make it work, but at a lost on just what to do.”

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