From the inbox #458

I’m in a very loving and committed relationship (it’s actually our one-year anniversary today!) with someone who fully understands and accepts my identity. Since I’m gray, I’m sometimes able to have sexual relations and actually enjoy them (being with this person is how I fully realized my identity because the attraction I feel here really is different). However, I go through phases. Sometimes, I’m very able and willing and wanting to have sex. Other times I can barely be touched without my brain sending DO NOT WANT REJECT AT ALL COSTS signals. Again, I want to emphasize how understanding and affirming my partner is. They will not do anything I do want want, has read about asexuality, asks me questions, and never forces me to be an educator. However, they are allosexual and there is some aspect of the relationship that they want that sometimes I can’t provide. We encourage honest communication with each other, and they have admitted to me that at times when I’m unable to feel any sexual attraction whatsoever, even though they do understand, there is a sense of rejection that weighs on them physically and emotionally. They try not to bring it up because they want to support me, but I hate seeing them so sad. Has anyone been in this situation? How can I help them not feel rejected and loved and affirmed without doing something my body 100% does not want to do at times?”

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