Hello. Thank you for agreeing to do an interview with me. What should I call you?
Thank you for having me and thank you for being respectful of my identity. You may call me Cheyenne for the duration of this interview.
Tell me about yourself.
There are so many labels to me, ha-ha. I am a genderqueer polygamous panromantic asexual with clinical depression, general anxiety, social anxiety and autism spectrum disorder. I list all of these things because they are all big parts who I am and they all factor into how I act and think through out the day.
Do you feel like parts of your identity are conflicting?
My main inner confliction is between my Polygamous self and social anxiety self, I want to be a part of a big, loving Queer Platonic Relationship with people I can shower my affection and cuddles on but I’m too scared of everyone to actually say ‘Is there anyone who can adopt me into their life’ or ‘Is there someone who would be okay with being loved and loving me in return without a sexual component to the relationship?’.
Another conflict is between my Panromantic self and my Asexual self, as I think everyone is so beautiful and handsome and I would want to date them but can’t go ask them out for if I start a relationship with them and then I can’t sleep with them, it feels like I have tricked them into something… yes I am taking medication for my anxiety.
Have you come out to people? How were their reactions?
If I have never not come out to someone, it would be to hold the illusion of normality. The illusion would fade once the got to know me well enough so by the time they ask about my sexual orientation it’d be just another kooky thing about me. Most people I tell don’t know what the terms I use mean so the reaction I always get is confusion and interest, and after explanation I often get the feeling they don’t believe me but they keep it to themselves.
What would you say are some advantages of being asexual either in general or for you personally?
Being able to have a label such as Asexual means I don’t have to feel alone and broken. I’m not the only person like this and more importantly I’m not broken, the way I am and feel is perfect and valid and having an entire community to back that up is a really special thing.
What are some disadvantages?
Living in a society where sex isn’t just expected it’s celebrated can be very difficult for those who don’t or can’t participate, it makes us feel like we’re missing out on something even when we’re not.
Tell me about your relationships.
The closest relationship I have is with my best friend, we’ve dubbed each other Platonic SoulmatesTM but I’m not in any romantic relationships at the moment. I have dated before but I haven’t dated someone who is also asexual though I would like to. I feel that when you date someone with sexual desires they always resent you a little bit that you don’t have them back, you get the vibes of “ If you loved me you would sleep with me”, “Since you don’t want to have sex, you must not find me attractive” and “Why aren’t I special enough to have fixed this? How dare you insinuate that I am not special” like it’s something we can control.
Let’s talk about representation in the media. Are there any characters that you can identify with?
Asexuality is starting to break out into mainstream media which hopefully means more canonically asexual characters to come. A character I can relate to that comes to mind would be Ursula the sea witch from the little mermaid. Her greatest loves are her pets and while she seems to have no interest in sexual relations, or really any relations other than business or for revenge purposes, she is still a sensuous creature.
Anything you’d like to see more (or less) of in the ace community?
I’d like it if there was more connectivity, I know that we’re doing the best we can with the platforms that we have but it still feels a little lacking.
Are you doing anything pride-related during Asexual Awareness Week 2018?
In conjunction with this interview, I’ve written an article for a website for Asexual Awareness week which you can read at Rainbowroo and I am working on a mini-webcomic that will have an ace main character. Unfortunately there aren’t many other Aspects where I live so during the Asexual Awareness Week I will be continuing my search for other Asexuals in my area. If there aren’t any events or people to meet up with then I’ll most likely spend the week doing normal things like going to the library or cinema but in prideflag inspired make up.